Posted by: deborahgilbert42 | July 18, 2012

Big Sister Vs. Little Sister

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Capri was 10 days shy of 23 months when Payson was born. We have been having a lot of issues with Capri being nice to her sister, which I think a lot of it has to do with her being jealous of Payson. Many times during the day Capri loves on her sister and gives her kisses and tries to share with her (which we don’t always want because it is usually food); but there are other times during the day where I feel like I have said for the 100th time for her to not hit, poke or throw things at Payson. This usually ends in all of us having a breakdown and both girls crying.

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Capri seems to be having a very hard time with having a new sister. It doesn’t help that we just moved to a new town away from her friends and away from a life where we were out with friends a lot more. I know she is having a hard time in this transition but it is getting to a point where I don’t know what to do. I feel like I have to keep Capri away from Payson at all times.

I am praying that it gets better as Payson gets a little more interactive and as we get into a better routine in our new town. I am hoping that we can have a lot more loving and a lot less eye poking (she was not poking her eye when I started to take that photo).

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Sometimes it seems like other kids love their new brothers or sisters and I worry that there is something wrong with Capri. So if you have been through this and can tell me it is normal that would be great. If you have ideas of how to get Capri to stop hitting her sister that would be great as well.

We already try and do 1 on 1 time with Capri, but it has been really hard because Payson is a high needs baby and doesn’t like to be put down or be in other arms besides mine (which Capri was the opposite).


Responses

  1. Oof. That can’t be fun for you guys! I can’t speak from my own experience, obviously, but I know it’s definitely normal– I’ve seen plenty of kids have a hard time with the first new sibling, for sure. When Isaac (whose middle name is Israel) was a baby, Micah used to call him “Isaac ‘Is-Not-a-Real’ Thomas”…. which obviously isn’t the same as being physical with him but I’m sure there was some of that too!

    Anyway, I just wanted to offer my reassurance that it’s normal, you’re not the only parent/family to deal with this, and it will pass eventually. Capri is still very young, too, and as she continues to develop mentally and emotionally she’ll handle things like jealousy differently– as well as learning that she doesn’t need to be jealous of Payson.

    Love you guys. Praying for you. If there’s ever anything I can do, if you ever need a day in the city to get your mind off it, or whatever, let me know!

    • Ummm…that is really funny that Micah was able to come up with that name seeing as he was not that old when Isaac was born. And thank you for the prayers.

  2. Same here – Can’t speak from experience but I’d say it’s normal. I know there was a lot of sibling rivalry in my family growing up, mainly us older girls picking on my “baby” brother. The other adjustments can’t help, but I’m sure it will get better. I’ve been reading a lot of posts on the topic lately – I’ll send you links if I find any more good ones. (I’m sure Sebastian is going to be a HANDFUL when we do welcome a new baby. – Not preg yet, but trying!)

  3. TOTALLY normal! I have two boys barely closer together and though I thought my older son would be a lot more rough it turned out he wasn’t but occasionally does give a quick slap or even punch!

    I have seen really rough kids. I’d keep your baby in a bassinet or something when you can’t be watching closely just for safety but definitely keep them interacting. One way I keep my son from resenting his little brother is whenever the baby makes a cute face or noise I look at my older son and include him in my reaction. It has helped so much. Like we’re both experiencing it together instead of me saying his brother is cute.

  4. Hey Deborah. The aggressive behaviour is typical for those Capri’s young age. Many parents DO go through this with their kids. Not only is impulse control difficult at this age, but she is at the age where she is testing her limits. A combination that’s not so fun! Don’t worry about Payson – newborn babies with siblings are used to rough behaviour. It will only make her stronger! And she’ll get back at Capri in no time :o) Giving Capri special responsibilities that involve her sister may help. Perhaps her job at diaper changing time is to always to put the diaper in the pail. Or maybe she can bounce Payson in her bouncy chair, or even show her the pictures in books when you’re washing the dishes. Responsibilities will make her feel special, as well as part of her sister’s (and your) life. Books from the library about a new baby can help, as they sympathize with the annoyances of a new sibliing. This trial is an opportunity for Capri to practice kindness, gentleness, sharing, and respect. It’s a lot of work for you, and the payoff may not be instant, but the payoff will be obvious when she is older and you see her interacting with others with respect!

  5. I’m sorry Capri is having trouble adjusting. See, babies can sense when big changes are afoot, so while you may think that the move and the baby are causing her issues acclimating, this has been in the works since you got pregnant for a second time. So she was, what, 13 months old when you got pregnant? That’s still a baby! And naturally when you get pregnant, your attention tends to shift. Excitement about the pregnancy and new baby joining the family, the first trimester exhaustion and nausea, etc. I would recommend giving Capri more of your attention. The baby basically just needs to nurse and be worn at this point, but Capri is definitely in need of your affection and attention. She’s still a baby, too. And although it seems like things will improve once Payson starts moving around, that just means Payson can touch Capri’s stuff and move around “her” territory! When you have babies close in age, jealousy issues are common. Acting out is almost always a cry for mama’s attention. IT WILL GET BETTER! Just remember that Capri is a baby, too. I didn’t realize how little two truly is until my firstborn went to kindergarten. I feel like I expected so much from Henry at an age where he really just needed my love and attention. Good luck!


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